Why Am I So Anxious? (Transcript)

Episode transcript, ShelbyRADIO · 34 minutes

Short answer: Anxiety is an unsettled, worried, uneasy feeling about something in the future, and Shelby Carino teaches that much of it comes from how rarely we let ourselves feel. Constant distraction from phones, TV, work and other people keeps the body from feeling, so when a real feeling or a deeper soul longing finally surfaces, it registers as anxiety and we rush to shut it down. Instead of judging yourself for feeling anxious, ask what you're worried about and what the fear underneath it is, because when you find the fear, you can find the solution. Slow, deep breathing and a few quiet minutes each day help you come back to center and actually feel what's there.

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Key takeaways

• Being anxious means feeling unsettled, worried or uneasy about a future event or outcome.
• Three deep breaths slow your heartbeat, ease anxiety and tell your brain it's safe to calm down.
• Ask yourself what you're worried about and what the fear is underneath it. When you tap into the fear, you can tap into the solution.
• Constant distraction keeps the body from feeling, so when a real feeling surfaces, it shows up as anxiety.
• Don't judge yourself for feeling anxious or push it aside. Let the feeling come to the surface so you can understand it.
• A simple practice: five quiet minutes morning and night for five days, breathing deeply, sitting with what you feel and writing it down.

Full transcript

Lightly edited for reading.

Why am I so anxious? (00:00)

Good morning, and welcome to ShelbyRADIO. I'm Shelby Carino, and today we're discussing, "Why am I so anxious?" Before we get started, we're going to do a deep breathing exercise.

As you get into a comfortable position, if you're driving, keep both hands on the wheel and your eyes open. If you're sitting at your desk, settle into your chair somewhere comfortable. Sit up straight with your shoulders back, not hunched over, so you can open your chakra system to receive the breath.

Why deep breathing helps (01:52)

Deep breaths help slow the heartbeat down, which is important if you're feeling a surge of energy coming in. They help reduce the feeling of anxiety if you're overstimulated emotionally. They also send a message to your brain to calm down and relax.

So at any point while you're listening, if you feel a surge of anxiousness, use the three deep breath technique to bring yourself back to center.

Three deep breaths together (02:48)

Let's do it together, because there's power in doing it together, and right now we're a collective. Ready? Deep breath in. Exhale. Deep breath in. Exhale. And one more deep breath in. And exhale.

Good job. Did you feel your body relax? Did your shoulders drop? Maybe your head did a little swivel, because it was organizing the energy in your brain. This is what brings us back into a state of calm.

What anxious really means (04:12)

Now let's get into the topic: why am I so anxious, even though we just started out calm? Don't worry, I'll bring you back to calm by the end of the episode.

Let's start with a definition. Being anxious is experiencing something worrisome, feeling unsettled, or having some kind of unease about an event you may be coming up on, or about an outcome you want. It's that unsettled, worried, uneasy feeling about something in the future, if there really is a future, because we're really just creating from now.

Three questions to ask yourself (05:08)

I'm going to ask you three questions, and I want you to give them some thought. I mean thought, not feeling. We'll get to feeling.

First: have you been worried about something in your life right now that has you wondering which direction to go? If so, why has that created a worry? What is your fear? Because if you can tap into the fear, you can tap into the solution.

Second: have you felt unsettled by what's happening in the world right now, or by the abrupt changes in how we're all living our lives? If so, why are you unsettled? What fear is it bringing up? What are you worried about that's creating that anxiousness inside you? Let that come to the surface. Write it down, re-listen and let it sink in, because it's your higher soul self trying to awaken a reality inside of you, and only you have that answer.

Third: have you been feeling disconnected from life in general, and from where you're actually going in your life, in a way that has unsettled the foundation you're standing on? That's a little different from asking which direction to go. This is about feeling disconnected from life itself. If that's creating an anxious feeling and unsettling your foundation, where is the fear in that? What do you fear by feeling disconnected? We always bring in the fear, and we have to overcome it to get to the truth our spirit is trying to move through.

How anxiety can work for you (08:24)

If you said yes to any of those questions, you have every right to feel anxious. Now I want to focus on how being anxious can work for you.

If you're feeling anxious, don't go into self-condemnation about it. Allow the feeling to come up so you can understand why it's coming in. You never want to push it to the side or numb it. You want to bring it to the surface and have the feeling. The way anxiety can work in your favor is that it gives you the ability to actually feel something.

Distraction keeps us from feeling (09:48)

How many times in your life have you been distracted by the TV, your phone, social media, your children, your animals, your spouse, your friends or your job? Or distracted from being able to get quiet and refocus your breath? When you're distracted, it's really hard for the body to feel.

We've all been distracted. Add up enough distractions, and how much time do they take away from actually feeling your feelings? Then when something comes up that you truly want to experience, like real happiness or a real change in your life, you've spent so much time distracted by outer noise that you've become distracted from your inner peace. When something makes you feel, you have no idea how to navigate it, because you're so used to being distracted from feeling.

Does that make sense? Being distracted keeps us from feeling. Is that how we're supposed to live? Then, when we finally feel, we feel anxious, and we've been told that feeling anxious is bad, so we need to numb it or medicate it.

That outside noise keeps us in a kind of slumber: mentally shut down, emotionally shut down and spiritually shut down, so we don't feel. Then the moment we feel something, it's, "Oh my gosh, I have anxiety. I don't know what to do with this." As a collective, we've been taught that if a feeling doesn't feel good, it must not be good. This is where we come back to ourselves and move through these feelings, so we can ease that anxious feeling and become more empowered in our spiritual authority.

When the spirit flickers awake (12:36)

Because distraction is a major reason we don't feel, and that's what creates the anxiety, it's hard for you and the people around you to move forward. Honestly, many, many people have lost the ability to feel. The energy shuts off, or it creates a veil over that deep spiritual need we're all naturally seeking to reconnect with.

It isn't until that little flicker of our spirit gets ignited and helps us remember who we are at a deeper level that we feel anxious. It's then, and only then, that we let ourselves feel something we truly want, and that can create the anxious feeling, because at a soul level we're used to getting what we want.

So suddenly we're anxious, and we don't like it. "I need to shut that down. I'm not going on that trip because I'm scared the plane's going to crash. I'm not writing that book because I'm scared someone will judge me." You see where I'm going. That's when the mental chatter kicks in and pulls us off our soul mission, because the feeling isn't what we're used to. Of course it isn't. It's been buried.

Anxiety versus the empath (14:28)

If you're comparing what I'm talking about to being empathic, that's actually a whole other level of anxiety, because the empath is more about the emotions you're picking up from others. Right now I'm taking that away from you to put you back in your own power. I don't care who's around you. I want you in your power, not giving it away to somebody else with, "Oh, I'm an empath." Okay, you are. We all are. But you have to come into your own truth.

Our own truth can make us feel anxious. We don't need help from other people's emotions. We have our own emotions to deal with, so go through your own emotions to clear that anxious side. In this episode I'm focusing strictly on the soul's need to expand and awaken to what it knows, so you can fulfill your role here on earth as a human having a complete spiritual experience.

A journey: the family of light (16:20)

Now we're going to do another exercise. Take another deep breath in and slowly exhale, because we're going on a journey together for the next few minutes to reconnect to self.

Take another deep breath in. Slowly exhale. Let your shoulders drop. Let your arms drop. Let it go out through the bottom of your feet, and bring that energy into your body. Now follow me in this process.

Imagine you are a renegade member of the family of light. Decide what being a renegade in the family of light looks like to you. Visualize yourself in this family of light. You are that renegade, meaning you're bringing light to the planet that most people aren't even in yet.

What does that look like to you? What does it sound like? And more importantly, what does it feel like to be a member of this family of light? Take a moment and breathe that through. That's right. It feels good, doesn't it? The light feels good.

You are a systems buster (18:40)

Next, imagine that you are a systems buster, available to alter systems of consciousness within the free will universe, and you are on call. You're on call as this systems buster, ready to go into the free will of the universe and alter systems of consciousness.

What does that look like to you? And even more importantly, what does it feel like? Take a moment to ignite this memory inside of you. Go ahead. You're safe to feel what this remembrance is for you.

This is your remembrance of the family of light. This is your remembrance of your soul mission on the planet, and of why you came here at this time to move through the experiences you're in. I'll give you a moment to ignite this memory.

Bringing it into your human life (21:28)

Good. Now slowly come back to this reality. Bridge the feeling of how you just felt by pausing in this remembrance of yourself, and integrate it into the human level of your consciousness. No worries, this is never about doing it mentally. You're already receiving it energetically just from the words I'm saying. Your energy will know what to do.

If you totally missed the exercise, pause the episode and go back to where I mentioned going on a journey together, and do it again. You can do it as many times as feels right to help you feel that kind of euphoria when you connect to the higher space of light that's actually within your own being.

Your homework: five quiet minutes (23:20)

Here's a homework assignment for the next five days. Grab a journal and a pen so you can write this down.

For the next five days, take five minutes in the morning and five minutes at night to sit in a quiet space. All your electronics are off. There's no phone next to you. You sit alone in your space, with no animals and no children around. If you have to sit in your closet and close the closet door and the bedroom door to keep kids and animals away for five minutes, do just that. Preferably sit with the lights off. This is a good time to be in the dark. That's step one.

Step two: while you're in that quiet space, do the deep breathing exercise from the beginning of the episode. Practice a deep breath in, then a deep breath out, over and over, until you feel like you're getting a little high in your energy or about to fall asleep. Stop right before that feeling. As you breathe, your energy rises while your body gets very relaxed, so just before you feel too far up out of yourself, stop and go back to normal breathing.

Sit, then write it down (27:04)

Step three: just sit in the feeling of that moment. Nothing more, nothing less. Feel the peace, or whatever you're feeling. Once your body is calm and relaxed and your energy is high enough to connect to higher information, just sit in that feeling. That's it.

Step four: when you feel complete, write down what you experienced. What were you feeling right before you sat down to do the exercise? Why were you having those feelings? Do you even know? Record any anxiousness that came up. If nothing came up, that's fine too. It might come up next time, because you're doing this five days in a row, morning and night.

Then record how you felt during the exercise. Did you hear something? Was it internal, like an inner voice? You don't have to know what it was or who it was or what it said. Or was it external, like the dog barking or a plate crashing in the kitchen? What was your body doing? Was your foot twitching, your eye twitching, your stomach growling? Did your arm lift? What was your mind doing? Was it running all kinds of thoughts, or sitting there peacefully? Did you get emotional? If so, what was the emotion? Go down into it and write it down. Then take a few moments to enjoy the insight you just had about yourself.

Right before bed (30:20)

Then go on about your day, and do the exercise again right before bed. I mean right before bed: do it, record what you noticed, then lie down and go straight to sleep. No checking social media afterward, no TV, nothing, because I don't want you pulled out of that euphoria. That's what you'll be working on in dream time, so you have something to work on intentionally while you sleep. When you wake up, do it again that morning and again that night.

By the end of the fifth day, you should notice a real change in how you feel in your body, in your emotions and, honestly, in your mindset. Write down every change, no matter how big or how little you think it is. You're collecting data for yourself as you go into a deeper connection with yourself. Isn't that nice? We get to make it about you.

Your voice matters (31:16)

Remember, you're doing all of this because your voice matters, and you're moving toward reconnecting with your voice. So honor it. Every time you think of it, say inside, "My voice matters," because you're moving toward your spiritual voice.

As you move toward that spiritual voice and it matters to you, eventually you become more of an influence, because it will matter to others too. But it has to matter to you first. That's how we move forward in spiritual influence.

So you have your homework, and you know exactly what to do. If you need a refresher, rewind the episode a little. Keep your spirit flying high, and keep living your truth.

Frequently asked questions

Why am I so anxious all of a sudden?

Shelby teaches that anxiety often surfaces when you finally let yourself feel something after a long time of being distracted, or when a deeper soul longing starts to wake up. Ask what you're worried about and what fear sits underneath it. Anxiety can have many causes, so please also talk with your doctor, especially if it's persistent or affecting your daily life.

How does deep breathing help with anxiety?

Deep breaths slow your heartbeat, ease the feeling of anxiety when you're emotionally overstimulated and send your brain a message to calm down and relax. Shelby suggests three deep breaths any time you feel a surge of anxiousness.

Can distraction make anxiety worse?

In this episode, Shelby explains that constant distraction from phones, TV and busyness keeps the body from feeling. When a real feeling finally comes up, you don't know how to navigate it, so it shows up as anxiety.

What is a simple daily practice for anxious feelings?

For five days, sit somewhere quiet and dark for five minutes each morning and night with no electronics. Breathe deeply, sit in whatever you feel, then write down what came up in your body, mind and emotions.

Where to go next

• Start here: my free 16-minute audio, When You Don't Feel Like Yourself
• The course: Out of Survival Mode, gentle tools to calm your nervous system and feel safe in your body again
• Listen next: How I Balance Anxiety on My Spiritual Journey
• Work with me one-on-one: private sessions