What Is Your Spiritual Mess?

Do you feel weighed down by emotions you can’t quite name? Thoughts that loop? Beliefs about yourself that you know aren’t true, but still feel true?

You may be carrying what I call a spiritual mess.

A spiritual mess is the build-up of unresolved emotion, old fears and limiting beliefs that we carry with us, often for years. I’ve also called it baggage, and a few other words I won’t put on the blog. Being human and being spiritual means we all collect some. It’s not a sign that you’re doing anything wrong. It’s a sign that you’re ready to look.

What exactly is a spiritual mess?

Think of it like a closet you keep stuffing things into because you don’t have time to deal with them right now. A hurtful comment from years ago. A disappointment you never grieved. A fear you picked up as a little girl. A belief like “I’m too much” or “no one listens to me.”

One by one, they don’t seem like much. But over time the closet gets full. That’s usually when we start to feel it: heavier, more reactive, more tired, less like ourselves.

My own spiritual mess: my voice

For me, my throat chakra and my voice became the source of my spiritual mess. I developed anxiety, fear and even sadness that affected my daily life. At my root core, I had a fear of not being heard.

I didn’t fully see it until my 48-day forgiveness journey. On Day 4, I painted with my non-dominant hand, and when I looked at what came out, I wrote: “no one is hearing me. Is that just me? Where is my voice?”

The next day was Easter Sunday, and it happened to be my throat chakra day. My third painting had one word on it, in pink: SPEAK. That night I wrote, “Well today, I found my voice. This picture helped me find my voice.”

Where did my mess come from?

When I traced it back, I found a few roots.

One was a moment with my dad when I was 10. We disagreed about something I honestly can’t even remember now, and he held his ground as the parent. I walked away believing I wasn’t heard, and that men couldn’t be trusted. I carried that for 27 years. During the forgiveness work, I realized “it was never my dad I was mad at, but it was my perception of an event.”

Another root was school. I was bullied and called names like “walrus” and “bucky beaver.” At home, I was the good kid who didn’t cause problems. As I wrote on Day 11, “I felt like I wasn’t doing things right or I wasn’t being heard so I just shut down.”

Can you see how those little moments stacked up into a big belief? That’s how a spiritual mess forms. Not from one huge event, but from many small ones we never cleared.

What are the signs you’re carrying a spiritual mess?

• You react strongly to small things and don’t fully know why
• The same fears or arguments keep showing up in different relationships
• You feel tired or heavy even when life looks fine on paper
• Certain people really get under your skin
• You keep yourself so busy there’s no quiet time to feel anything
• Your inner voice is harsh, critical or impatient with you

How does a spiritual mess show up in relationships?

What we haven’t healed, we tend to project, especially onto the people closest to us. One of my biggest aha moments was realizing that what bothered me about my mom “was really my own issues being projected onto her.”

It works the other way too. One day during my journey, someone called me and overloaded me with information about all the healing methods I should try. I was so irritated. And then the light bulb went on: “I realized that the person I spoke to on the phone today was like ME!” It was exactly how I had come across when I was selling my wellness products.

The people who trigger us are often mirrors. They show us the part of our mess that’s ready to be cleared. If you keep seeing the same painful pattern with different people, my post Break Free of Toxicity goes deeper.

How do you begin clearing a spiritual mess?

Here’s something I’m passionate about: spirituality is experiential, not intellectual. You can’t think your way out of a spiritual mess. I don’t believe we can consciously know everything that’s in the darkest parts of our soul. That’s why the tools that help most are the ones you do, not just the ones you think about.

1. Become aware

In The Art of Process, the first of my seven secrets is “Become Aware.” Awareness is the foundation of change. Start noticing what triggers you, without judging it.

2. Identify the issue

Ask yourself three questions: What is the root cause? Who is it affecting? What is my part in it? If your emotions are so strong you can’t see clearly, that’s a red flag that something old is involved.

3. Use tools that move energy

For me, that was forgiveness writing (my 70 × 7 tool), painting, journaling, paying attention to my dreams and meditation. Find the ones that feel right for you and use them consistently.

4. Forgive

Most spiritual messes are held together by unforgiveness: toward others and toward ourselves. Forgiveness was what finally began clearing mine. I wrote every night of that journey in Soul Freedom, and the first chapter is free on my books page.

Why does it feel worse before it feels better?

When you open the closet, things fall out. During my 48 days, I cried, I slept in the middle of the day, I wanted to quit more than once. I called it a surgical procedure of my soul. It sucks going through it, but the outcome is well worth the sucky part.

If old feelings are rising, it doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It means what was stuck is finally moving. Rest more, drink water, get outside, and be gentle with yourself.

A chakra check-in you can try today

• Root: Do I feel safe and supported right now?
• Heart: Am I holding resentment or grief I haven’t let myself feel?
• Throat: Is there something I need to say, to someone else or to myself?

The core need of the throat chakra is to find your voice and speak your truth. If you’d like to go deeper with your energy centers, my chakra course walks you through each one.

Frequently asked questions

Is a spiritual mess the same as trauma?

Not exactly. It can include the effects of trauma, but it also includes everyday hurts, beliefs and fears we all collect. If you’re working through significant trauma, please also seek support from a licensed professional.

How long does it take to clear?

There’s no set timeline. My first round of forgiveness work took 48 days, and I still had more layers after that. Progress usually looks like feeling a little lighter, a little sooner, each time something comes up.

The joy on the other side

When you declutter a room, it can be very cathartic. When you clean up spiritual mess, it is 100 times more cathartic. On the other side is so much joy and self-awareness. You feel lighter. Clearer. More like you.

If you’re ready to understand what’s shifting inside you, my course Expanding Consciousness Fundamentals is a grounded place to start. Or begin with my free grounding audio.